Jeffassociates

Jeffassociates
Homos and heteros welcome.

Friday, March 29, 2002

I'm too tired to come up with anything new and can't imagine that it'll be the last time either. So from here on out when I find myself inspirationless, I'm gonna resort to sharing some of the thoughts that I scribble down in the notebook that I carry around with me. It might not be much, but it's more than you'll find on E|a. Enjoy.

Things not to oversentimentalize:
- art
- foreign culture
- history
- education
I couldn't sell shit to to horny, hungry coprophiliac.
I think most crimes are just jokes that get out of hand.
Being Chinese means always being told when somebody ate Chinese food last night for dinner
When somebody talks about their art it's at best boring and at worst obnoxious and pretentious.
If he's not gay he should be.

I have to address all the false posters on this site. Yesterday, excluding the posts I made, there were more fake posts than genuine ones. Now I know that you must all be very proud and pat yourselves on the back when you take a jab at my expense, but the truth of the matter is that I'm honestly very tired of it. When did this become the fashion? I suppose I'm partially to blame for having made several fake, though droll, postings on E|a, but unlike Eric I'm no longer tolerating it. Either you play by my rules or I pull down the message board. You want to make fun of my dead grandparents? Fine, but this site's not gonna be a forum for it. That said, here's the post:

Tonight I hung out with a girl with truly big boobs. Massive, really.

Give me a break. It's 3:30 am, and I'm tired. I'll try and update things later on Friday.

Thursday, March 28, 2002

I have to write about it eventually so it might as well be today. I'm co-organizing my ten-year high school reunion. Now before my readers who didn't attend high school with me tune out due to disinterest in people they might not know and situations that may not apply to them, I promise that today's post will be making references to the following items:

Retards
Cocks
Homosexuality
Pants shitting
Panties

I hope I've still got your attention. Now, I'm not what you'd consider the ideal candidate to organize my high school reunion. I never served as a class officer. I was by no means popular. In fact, I was only slightly cooler than the kids that rode to school in the short retard bus. So why am I doing it? Because nobody else will.

When polled as to why they're reluctant to have anything to do with it most of my former classmates tell me, "I hated high school and everyone there." They seem to be missing the point. A reunion isn't about rekindling old friendships and animosities as much as it is an opportunity to see how these minor, inconsequential characters in your lives turned out. Not because you care but because even back then you couldn't picture these people ever growing up and becoming adults. Did that guy with the biggest cock in gym eventually follow a career path that utilized his massive organ? And just how gay did our gayest classmate get? Flaming, I pray! Does the kid who once shit his pants at school still suffer from incontinence? If so, he'll be sure to regale us with stories of scatalogical hilarity.

Sadly, I'm afraid of the truth. No, my well-endowed gym-mate is probably working in some sterile office where the only one who has the pleasure of beholding his gift would be a co-worker with wandering eyes at the urinal. The gayest classmate won't even show, too ashamed and too busy with his studies at Emory. And the kid who made number two in his pants? He wasn't even in our grade. I only mentioned him because I promised pants shitting in this post.

But they can't all let me down. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

By the way, the mystery package contained two pounds of chocolate. Not panties. Just chocolate. How can I possibly eat two pounds of candy? I could have done a lot more with two pounds of panties.

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

So I spent my day off giving Jeffassociates a whole new look. I'm hoping that it attracts a younger female audience, if you know what I'm talking about.

Somebody buzzed my apartment this morning. Considering that only two people (if that many) in this town know where I live, I assumed that it was probably just some random person trying to gain access to the building. I would probably have at least gone out to the front door to see who it was, but at 1:00 pm I was shamefully still dressed in the clothes I'd gone to sleep in, a sweatshirt and sweatpants cum-stained from last-night's and the-night-before-last's nocturnal emissions. Maybe we're talking three emissions. I can't recall. All I know is that the cotton is starting to feel a lot more like burlap. Anyway, when I finally stepped out of my apartment a couple hours later I found a UPS delivery note at the front door. Now this has got me excited. Not "nocturnal emission" excited, mind you. We're probably talking "soft-on" excited. You see, I'm not expecting a package. I haven't bought anything online recently. My imagination is racing. A box of soiled panties? Maybe it's a... actually, that's the only thing I could come up with. It's possible that one of you, my devoted readers, is the sender of this mysterious package. Well, don't spoil the surprise for me. I let the rest of you know what it is in tomorrow's post.

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Don't bother hitting E | a. There's nothing to see.

Today marks the return of Ericassociates.com. In its honor I'm taking the day off. So check it out and get your fill of cutesy-poo, pop-culture-referencing humor. More stories about cock here tomorrow.

Monday, March 25, 2002

A post about last night's Academy Awards show would probably be timely, but I really have very little to say about it. Sentiment was the real winner. Pussies. I blame Ian's dad. Whatever, here's the post:

Kiddie sex sells. Be it boy-crazy priests, child-porn rings, or abducted high-school girls, we just can't seem to get enough. When the child-internet porn story broke last week, my first reaction was, "Shit, do I have any? Am I gonna go to jail?" (Answers: no and maybe, but on completely unrelated mopery charges). It was then that I started thinking about how if I ever actually did stumble across kiddie porn online, I probably would make an icky face but keep it around to forward on to friends as an awful joke. Deleting it or reporting it to the authorities wouldn't even cross my mind. Boy, has the accessibility of internet porn completely destroyed my moral/legal barometer. Now while we're on the subject, let's talk about girls under 18 that totally get my motor running.

Sasha Cohen - 17, figure skater
Man, oh, man. That thing she does with her leg makes me question my bi-curiousity. If I was a judge, I'd give her a perfect 6. Six inches of my cock, that is! Oh man, that's wrong for so many reasons, but the biggest reason being the fact that I don't even come close to approaching six inches.

Scarlett Johansson - 17, actress
That she could manage to steal the scenes away from Thora Birch and her assets in "Ghost World" says a lot. I think the only other movie I've seen her in is "Manny and Lo." Can anyone tell me if she smuggles peas in any of her films? This is something I need to know and fast.

That's really just about it. In general, the young look really turns me off. Anna Kournakova? What a fucking monster. Britney, too. Yeah, they're both legal now, but I'm no more prone to tap that shit than before. So send them my way. I'll punch them both in the back of the head.

/archives

Gayest of J | a:
  UPS and Cum
  Kiddie Sex
  My Big Trunk
  For the Ladies

DJ | a:
  V

J | a Reading:
  How to Win Friends...

Friends of J | a:
  Eric Associates
  DaveAssociates
  Yum!